Preface
'I baptise you in water for repentance,
But the one who comes after me
is more powerful than I,
And I am not fit to carry his sandals,
He will baptise you with the Holy Spirt
And fire.
His winnowing-fan is in his hand;
He will clear the threshing-floor
And gather his wheat into his barn,
But the chaff he will burn
In a fire that will never go out.'
Matthew 3:11-12
Chapter One
The sound of a
wooden match being struck drew his attention even before the flame. In the
total darkness the flame burned with an orange and yellow appetite for more
than the splinter of wood which birthed and fueled it. By the aurora Sebastian
strained to recognize the faint facial features of the person holding the
flame.
The flame grew
larger, more brilliant and hotter forcing Sebastian to squint and try to shield
his face with his raised forearm. He twisted his torso to the cooler darkness behind
him. The person holding the match laughed at Sebastian's meager efforts to
protect himself and threw the match at him. The flame landed at Sebastian's
feet and encircled him in a ring of
fire. The man laughed.
'You're not
afraid of a little fire, Sebastian? After everything you went through and with
your aggravating faith. Come to me, my love, and be sanctified. By the fire we
are born again and given another chance to be happy. Come and see for
yourself.'
'Sean? Are you
there?'
'Yes, Sebastian. I am on the other side of
the flames. My love for you is a fire which will never go out. We are forged
together by a bond so strong Death cannot break the weld.'
'No, Sean. You're
dead. I witnessed your death.'
'You of all
people understand Death is not final, but a mere transition. Come, my love, and
let us start over.'
A sudden alarm sounded. Not because of the fire, but
something Sebastian couldn't quite recall. A coin hit the floor and rolled,
stopping at Sebastian's feet. He picked
up the coin and recognized a two-headed Kennedy half dollar. Sebastian kept such a coin on
his nightstand as signal he is dreaming.
As he raised the coin in front of his face like a priest holding the host, Sean
screamed.
'No! Sebastian,
what are you doing? Stop. You'll wake up and we'll be apart again. Stop! I
might not be able to visit you again.'
'Sean, I don't
belong in your world and you left mine. Under the circumstances death served as
your best option.'
The flames encircling Sebastian roared as though someone
opened a gas valve further.
'I won't let you
go, Sebastian.'
Sebastian raised
his coin with both hands over his head and woke.
CHAPTER TWO
Sunlight beaming
through the bedroom window delivered Sebastian into wakefulness. He threw back the covers to get out of bed
causing his two-headed fifty-cent piece to fail to the floor. He returned the
coin to its usual place in the same smooth motion with which he turned off the
alarm clock.
Sebastian stood,
stretched and, as he scratched various parts of his naked body, paying
unconscious special attention to what remained of his abs at thirty-something,
stood in front of the window overlooking the rear garden. The trees
filtered sunlight not yet sufficient to warm things up. This is New Orleans, however, so the
atmosphere would soon be warm enough and humid enough to satisfy all those
tourists who hoped to escape the winter for which they fled their homes.
Following his morning routine, Sebastian sat back down on
the bed and pulled his journal and pen out of the nightstand drawer to write
the details of his dream before the image faded with the morning dew.
He finished writing down everything he remembered, then
wrote in big block letters THIS IS THE DAY and underlined the phrase. He meant this would
be the day he purged every artifact and memory of his former lover Sean from
his house, his mind, and his heart. He wanted no more dreams like the one he recorded
now, or like any of the others he journaled in the weeks since his return from
New York after Sean's death.
No point to
postpone the inevitable any longer. After showering and getting dressed, he
would go someplace to buy some cartons and pack up his lover's things, their things together, things doomed
to be constant reminders of the man Sebastian
loved, and -as he learned while assisting his friend Detective Cliff
Nolte in the investigation of a pedophile ring of priests and teachers in Brooklyn
-he never knew. The discovery of Sean's sexual abuse as a child and teenager by
Father Finn broke Sebastian's heart. Finding out Sean later acted as a pimp for
the priest, bringing in fresh recruits he helped groom went beyond devastating
and to Sebastian's mind unforgivable.