Ursula and her entourage had just arrived on her veranda when the telephone began to ring. “Isn’t that the way? How do people know when someone’s just getting home?” she scoffed as she inserted the key into the lock and opened the door. “C’mon in, everybody and make yourselves comfortable in the parlor while I see who this is. Charles, honey, why don’t you make everyone a drink. I’d like a vodka tonic while you’re at it.”
Ursula went into the small room she used as an office to answer the phone, “Beaumont’s.” Charles started making everyone’s usual cocktail, but conversation had stopped, as company often does to overhear any clues to the identity of the caller.
“I’m sorry, Suzette, but I can’t make it tonight. I have guests ―the usual suspects, you know: Charles and Gigi. You’re welcome to come over and join us. CJ’s here, too. ― Suzette, you know I hate for you to go out by yourself. Don’t you have another girlfriend who might join you? ―That’s kind of you to say, dear. Yes, we do have the best time when we team up, but I simply can’t join you tonight. Why don’t you come on over here? The company is pleasant and the alcohol is free. ―Well, all right, but if you change your mind you know where to find us. Have a good time, but be careful, Suzette. By the way, where are you planning to go? ―Suzette, you know how I feel about women alone going to hotel bars. ―At least, promise me you will not sit on a stool at the bar; that is so common. ―Well, I should get back to my guests. Come by if there’s nothing happening over there. ―All right. Call me tomorrow and tell me how things went. ―Okay, Suzette. Bye-bye.”
Ursula replaced the receiver in the cradle and was putting her earring back on as she entered the parlor. “I guess y’all know that was Suzette.”
“Suzette? What did she want?” Gigi asked trying to create the impression they hadn’t been eavesdropping.
“Oh, please, Gigi!” Ursula protested. “It was so quiet in here I could hear you all breathing from out there. Suzette is going out tonight and wanted me to go with her. As you heard I declined and invited her to join us instead.”
“Is she coming?” asked Charles.
“No,” Ursula sighed. “She has her heart set on the lounge at the Monteleone. She wants to see if the guy I told you about is back. You know, she’s become quite aggressive since she had her surgery. That boob lift has given her a new lease on life, God bless her.”
“She got a boob-job?” CJ asked. “She was already a gifted woman.”
“Not bigger CJ; lifted. Her nipples won’t get caught inside her belt now,” Gigi teased.
“Gigi, we mustn’t be disparaging about absent friends,” Ursula scolded. “If a woman wants tits like a Barbie doll and has the money, more power to her, I say!”
“Are you telling us something, Aunt?” CJ prodded.
“Don’t be impertinent. These girls and I are quite happy with each other, thank you!”
“As well you should be,” affirmed Charles with a raised glass to toast.
“That’s enough out of you, too, Charles. Now let’s talk about something else.”
“Let’s play a game,” Gigi suggested.
“Okay. What game should we play? Bourré, Scrabble, Charades maybe?” Ursula suggested.
“I know! Strip poker!” Gigi enthusiastically announced.
At that precise moment, a loud noise came from Ursula’s office. “What was that?” Charles blurted out in surprise.
“It sounded like something fell,” CJ answered as he rose to investigate.
“Whatever it was came from my little office. Something must have fallen from a shelf,” Ursula explained.
When she and CJ stood in the doorway and turned on the light they could see something had indeed crashed to the floor and spilled out of its box. It was Ursula’s Scrabble game. “I’d like to buy a vowel, Alex,” CJ quipped.
“Funny, CJ. My whole life comes crashing down and all you can do is make a joke. Help me pick these pieces up along with the other games.”
“Aunt Ursula, this is not your whole life; just a few of the games you play. Guilt is not one of your better games, either. Let me gather these up and take them out so we can vote on which one we’ll play tonight. Go on back to the others. I’ll be there in two shakes.”
“Thank you, CJ. I’m just rattled by the crash is all. I’ll get someone in here tomorrow to repair that shelf.”
“Aunt, there is no need to call a handyman. I’ll take care of it for you. It’s an easy fix. I promise you. Now go on. We’ve left Charles alone out there with Gigi.”
Ursula stooped down and kissed CJ on the forehead. “Thank you, dear. Don’t be long now.”
CJ continued gathering consonants and vowels as she rose and left. Once he had all the pieces back in the box, he piled the other boxes on top to take to the parlor. As he turned to switch off the light, he noticed one errant box partially concealed by the flounce of the loveseat. He bent down to retrieve it and saw that it was his aunt’s Ouija board. “Will you look at this?” he said to no one. “You might be interesting. We’ll save you for later,” he said to the game. He put the Ouija board box on the bottom of the stack, and then stood with the stack in his hands. He managed to turn out the light and closed the door as he left the room.
“Here’s our playboy,” Gigi cheered. “Let’s see what you’ve got CJ! Show us your biggest box first?” she teased.
CJ shot Gigi a wicked smile. “Gigi, I could show you my big box, but then you’d faint and we’d never get to play!”
“CJ James, what an absolutely treacherous thing to say in front of a blood relative!” Ursula scolded. “Do me a favor and give that line to Sebastian to use when he comes over. We’ll see then who faints!” Everyone laughed as they looked at the available games.
“Anyone ready for another?” Charles asked as he headed to the bar.
“Make it a soft one, Charles. Whoever has to partner with you will still want to try to win!” Ursula warned. “I’ll take a club soda and lime since you asked.”
“That sounds good to me, Charles. Thank you,” CJ added.
“Oh, I guess I’ll join all of you. Make it three, Charles,” Gigi chimed in. Turning to Ursula, “What games do you have here, Sister? Clue! Could we play Clue tonight, everybody? I feel like solving a murder tonight! How about y’all?”
Charles returned with the drinks for the group. “Gigi, darling, you’re not foolin’ me in the least with that nonsense about wanting to solve a murder,” he said.
“Why, Charles, whatever do you mean?” Gigi asked sounding rather hurt.
“Murder is the last thing on your mind,” Charles answered. “You just want to be in the library with Colonel Mustard and his candlestick!” he laughed.
“Charles Eponnaire! How can you accuse me of such a thing? You know Colonel Mustard is much too old for a flower such as me.”
Ursula howled. “Flower? Well, honey, I guess a faded rose is still a rose to a bee!”
“Sister Woman, you know the older the rose the sweeter the fragrance,” Gigi pouted.
“I think you just made that one up,” Ursula challenged. “However, I do think Clue is a good idea. I vote with Gigi for Clue. Do you boys have any objections?”
Once again, with impeccable timing the telephone rang. “Hells bells,” Ursula sighed. “Who the hell can that be? Excuse me folks. While I take this call, why don’t y’all set up the game.” The phone seemed insistent in its ringing. “Okay! I’m comin’,” Ursula shouted.
CJ opened the box on the bottom and set up the board to everyone’s delighted surprise. No one said a word, however, as they once again strained to hear Sister’s end of the call. “Beaumont’s,” they heard her say. “Hello. This is the Beaumont residence. Who’s callin’ please? ―Hello? ―Is someone there?” the next sound they heard was the receiver being slammed down to disconnect the call. “Perverts!” she huffed, clearly disgusted. “Nothing but the sound of breathing. What’s the pay-off for doing that?” Ursula fumed as she rejoined the group. She took her place at the game table. “This isn’t Clue. I thought we voted on Clue. This is the Ouija board. Why did you dig this out, CJ?”
“It was one of the boxes in the stack, Aunt. Gigi said she’d like to solve a murder. It might be fun to see what we get tonight.”
“Y’all know this is most definitely not a game. The spirits are not to be made fun of.”
Suddenly the small wooden heart-shaped planchette moved without anyone touching it. Everyone watched in amazement as it went first to the letter O and proceeded to the letter K. “It would appear, Aunt that the spirits wish to speak to us. Let’s all pay attention now.”
All hands were joined in lightly touching the planchette. S-U-Z-E-T-T-E.
“Oh my God!” Ursula cried. “Suzette is in trouble. I feel it. We have to help her. CJ, would you mind driving over to the Monteleone to look for her? Bring her here whether she wants to come or not. I don’t want anything bad to happen to her!”
“I’m on my way, Aunt. I’ll find her, but I can’t make her go anywhere against her will.”
“Just find her, please! CJ, you be careful, too!”
CJ’s car was heard driving away when the planchette again moved on its own power. D-E-A-D. Gigi screamed and removed herself to the loveseat where Charles joined her. He put his arm around her to comfort her. “There, there now, Gigi. We don’t know that anything has happened. Everything will be all right.”
Ursula stood at the fireplace. She was looking at the photos of her, Gigi, and Suzette on display there. Her arms were folded in front of her and squeezing her waist. “I hope to God, Charles, everything is all right. I sure do wish we had opened a different box,” she said wistfully as she sat down in a club chair adjacent to the loveseat. Everyone was silent as church.
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