Sometimes I Kill Myself

Often I feel like some kind of a phantom observer of my life, like I’m watching an Alfred Hitchcock film instead of starring in it. I used to think this was due to being an introvert. Now I’m not so sure. I might have been acting in the film all along and being unaware of my participation was the foundation of my role. Two things I am reasonably sure of are I’m not insane and I think I killed someone last night.

This is how my conversation with Detective Gordon Collins began when I turned myself in. Detective Collins invited me into his office so we could continue our conversation privately. He did, however, also invite another detective to join us whose name eludes me right now. Nothing I told him, or that I am now telling you has a clean edge to it. I want to tell the truth as much as I can, but like I told you up front, I am only an observer so my recall takes me only so far.